Are you married? Do you have those times when you do not want to indulge in any sort of physical activity with your spouse, or let me just be very upfront, do you at times don’t feel like having sexual intercourse but your husband still insists? I am sure like any other woman you sometimes don’t want to have sex, considering men’s libido is much more than that of a woman. If you come from an educated background your husband would understand it BUT did you know saying no to husband for intercourse is considered as a sin in Islam?
Shocking right? And here goes the qur’anic reference that validates my above-mentioned statement.
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses [and does not come], and he spends the night angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”
When I first heard this qur’anic verse, I was totally shocked. I maybe earning a sin when I say this but I personally believe that this kind of sex is not sex its purely marital rape. I mean what is the difference between rape and a husband doing sex with his wife without her consent, none! In both the cases a woman is forced to indulge in sexual activity when her mind is totally somewhere else. Yes, in rape, things are more intense because in that situation you don’t even know the person or don’t have any bond. But still lack of consent is the most important thing. The existence of marital rape in Islam according to Islamic scholars is when the man asks his wife to have sexual intercourse during her menstrual period or in an abnormal sexual position or during fasting hours in Ramadan.
While I was doing my research I also came across this hadeeth narrated by Jaabir: “There are three whose prayers will not be accepted and none of whose good deeds will ascend to heaven: a runaway slave, until he returns to his master; a drunken man until he becomes sober; and a woman with whom her husband is angry, until he is pleased with her.” These are general terms, which include both night and day. Totally mind-boggling right? Now brace yourself, since when I do a topic like this, I make sure my research is not just limited to google. So, I went to two different scholars. I asked them the same question, that why does it count as a sin on the wife’s part if she doesn’t want to have sex. They both had the same answer and interpretation of Quran and said very blatantly that yes, it’s a fact. Then I asked what about foreplay, the least thing a husband can do in this case is turn on the wom, a wife can not say NO. They both said that Foreplay or no foreplay, if a husband wants sex he should get it! Ouch!!! I thought Quran is highly sensitive to a woman`s individuality and her rights. But my views have changed after learning about this
Every day we commit sins, big and small, but we go on with our lives, thinking “what I do is between me and my Allah”. Which is totally fine. We have heard this all along our lives “ deen main jabar nahin”. So, through this article I am not trying to enforce something in your minds, I am only sharing something that I recently discovered and thought was slightly regressive. In todays date and age, where every second girl/women is a feminist, this topic will be quite a revelation. But as every religious scholar says, never find logic in “deen”, otherwise you will never understand it, just follow it. I am not a very religious person but I thought to talk about this topic, to earn some sawab, its my way of doing “tableeg” through my blog.
I know once ill post the blog, people will definitely ask my take on this, well mine is simple, do it when you want it! Marital rape in its real form exists in our villages and amongst illiterate people who have no knowledge about the world, let alone the religion. It should be condemned, but again the scholars I met clearly told me the interpretation of the qur’anic versus, so whether you’re a king or a pauper you have full rights to go ahead with intimacy with your wife without her consent.
Do share your comments with us!