Dating nowadays can be tricky. Not just tricky, but confusing. Confusing in ways that older generations probably never experienced. Many of us complain that no one wants to commit, and others claim they don’t want a relationship. Most of the time we’re just strung along until the other person finally decides to leave all together. All of us are just hanging on a text that may or may not come. How has it come this far? Before you blame the “millenial mindset” , know that these issues and behavioral patterns go beyond that.
Here’s us breaking it down for you as to why we date the way we do!
Abundance of choice:
The popularity of dating apps provide us with effortless access to all of these choices, leaving us with plenty of opportunity at our fingertips. Imagining that you have a ton of amazing options to choose from makes it difficult to choose, so you choose no one – and that’s getting you nowhere and typifying you as unavailable.
The paradox of choice causes single men and women to feel lonely even while surrounded by options because they have trouble choosing when there is so much choice. This could be why so many of us inadvertently choose to remain single, neglecting promising opportunities that present themselves.
The idea of having the best of everything, chasing perfection is ruining every aspect of our lives today. This blind pursuit of everything that one sees online lands them nowhere.
All that does is fill people’s heads with expectations that will never be met because none of the stuff online is anything like what a true relationship is. Not to mention the fact that social media has now started altering our idea of “the perfect life”. We start holding each other up to unrealistic expectations, and leave immediately when they aren’t met!
False idea of individuality:
Back in the day, people used to put their person of interest on a pedestal… now, they put themselves on a pedestal. The idea of “self” and putting one’s “self” first has gone too far. In this tug of war between having standards and being a doormat, people tend to forget what dating is all about. Everyone tends to freak out if their significant other doesn’t conform to the narrative inside their own heads. We’re conditioned to have things our way, be go-getters, “not settle for less”. So much so, that we have forgotten how to compromise and to accept him/her the way they are.
Is one person not enough for us anymore? Are our minds too accustomed to change on such a regular basis now that committing to one person just won’t cut it? Despite the fact that it seems like people are cheating left and right, their actions aren’t necessarily leading to break-ups or divorces. Some would argue that the person cheating is merely expressing desire for a temporary satisfaction whereas the relationship they’ve committed to is satisfying a more internal, honest, lasting desire. By acting on impulsive needs, we’re unable to take anything or anyone seriously.
Introduction of various labels:
Back in the day it was just a boy and a girl going out, developing a bond and eventually turning it into a relationship if the interest was reciprocated. Now, we have labels for every situation! “Friends with benefits”, “casually dating”, “just talking”, “no strings attached”. These labels give one the ability to enjoy everything that a normal relationship entails but exclude the attachment part. This era has us hooked onto quick fixes to everything, even our loneliness! Rather than investing in a relationship, we think it’s easier to have “situationships” to cater to our needs and dispose them off when we’re done. No accountability, no explanations. Nada. We fail to understand that it’s the lack of attachment, that leaves this empty feeling which we rant about every now and then!
Like every other sociological concept, maybe monogamy and dating need to be redefined as well. Maybe, as a civilization we have evolved and outgrown the previously known parameters of companionship. Similarly, one can hope that life will come in a full circle, and we’ll eventually find our way back to the basics.
Written by: Abrish Sukhera